I am not really sure what I am attempting to express here – but I need to get this out of my head and writing seems a convenient way to do this.
I am considering ministry.
I never thought I could ever write that. I certainly never thought I would. Frighteningly, I have found a congregation that I fit into, with a theological background that makes complete sense. All the obscure, different beliefs I have held for so long actually have a name to unify them.
But it is this fact that scares me even further. The idea of having a label, and a “home” where I don’t need to escape from some kind of prejudice or difficulty. And suddenly, the love and apparent skill (100%) I held for theology when I studied it for my university exams has suddenly returned to me. Finally, a group of people who do not glare when you don’t recite the Christian creeds and bow and scrape. I have been glared at by priests, shouted away from Churches and had so many people telling me that hell is my destination. There is quite some irony in the world for me to end up with a conservative Catholic, homophobic, slightly racist roommate, in a conservative Catholic college, complete with nuns.
I am afraid of labels, and boxes. But this seems to be a box with a universe beyond it; not a Christian, Buddist, Hindu, Sikh or cultish background, but rather a traditional faith that merits all faiths as representations of a wider scheme.
Suddenly, I am considering ministry, and ministering to those around me in the sense of open-minded kindness, without implying or forcing a closed creed. And I am so scared. And so welcomed.